Near misses

God is so good (just thought I'd put it out there in case it wasn't a known fact). Every time I get in my car I pray for a safe trip and charge ministering angels all around. The angels have never had a dull day when I'm behind the wheel.

• This morning, as I was driving to meet up with my workout partner I almost swiped a cyclist who for some silly reason rode straight by on my right side as I was about to turn right. It was a near miss and a scary one and even though he was in the wrong I was so grateful to God.
• This afternoon after work I had to duck into the city to pick up some Body Shop products for my sister. Usually it is a real nightmare (if not impossible) to find a park. But I prayed before I went. I got the park, right where I wanted it and made sure all the signage was a O.K for me to be there. It was, or so I thought. I raced into the Queen St Mall and grabbed what I needed and headed back...just as I was reaching my car a man in a blue uniform approached me and said; "Your lucky you didn't get a $200 fine. This is a tow-away zone." Yikes!!! How blessed am I.

The end for today.

The Battle Field

The sorrow is turning to anger. First it was dispare and sadness mixed, then it all came out in tears from two holes in my face, my brain was angered at the disturbance as it ached with the fact of the life around me. O' help!

To stop this cry that reaches from my heart and pours down my cheeks, this endless longing for a basic knowing.

Fighting the thoughts that threaten to push me back into the black, misty hole where arms are desperately trying to reach at me, grab me and pull be down into the inky blackness of no return.

I fight. I struggle. In my mind its all a battle field of thoughts and words of which I have let grow and take root for too long.

But somewhere there is a sprig of truth being tossed around for a lie. It's stem is both fresh green and a golden yellow and it shines like a light in the middle of a gray and horrific battle field. Will I reach the petal and grasp it up and treasure it and believe that it is more right and more truth than all the carnage I see on every side?

This is the mystery and this is the battle field where I fight.

Isaiah 55:10-11 "For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater: So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it."

Total abandonment to the One who died so that I could live.

It has been a while since I have been on here [as is obvious] and today when I logged on I scrolled through my posts and saw that when I first started this blog it was the day of my 19th birthday. Well that is almost one whole year ago. Time flies.

This update is just an excerpt from an email I was writing out to my friend to day and its the subject that has been on my heart lately.

"I know how it feels being scared about stepping out for God and all. I battle the same thing. But really its just all about love and obedience. And we've just gotta look fear and the face with the "I just don't care" attitude and step out. I've done it before and it works. (Makes me wonder why I don't do it more often). Oh and about feeling inadequate, that's no excuse unfortunately. (I try to use that one on God often, it doesn't hold up). He is using "inadequate" people every second all over the globe. All He needs and wants is willingness and obedience. Look at Moses for instance, He didn't even know God and He was "slow of speech" but God appeared to Him in a really dramatic way and told Him to go and do a really dramatic thing. It was scary and Moses was scared but He stepped out. God used Him. He was called "A friend of God". Actually the book I am reading is not a 'preaching-at-you' sort of book. Its just a book sharing true stories and God has been extracting old truths out of it and bring them to my attention (Sister Freaks - Rebecca St James). Things that I had forgotten and buried under the "old-school religion" files. But Jesus is showing me, its not "old" or "religious" its called abandoning all to Him and sacrificing everything because He sacrificed His son for us. In our western world we don't know the meaning of sacrifice, we've watered down God's will and Word to suit our lifestyles ("Oh we'll go without one of our favourite foods for 40 days" or something. (Not criticizing anyone or anything, just thinking that there is more). All good intentions to be sure, but we cannot escape from the truth of the absolute hardcore sacrifice God gave us which was His son. Have you seen Will Smiths "Seven Pounds"? For me, that movie really brought to life what Jesus did for us and how we therefore should live out our life. Think about it. The character that Will Smith plays gives vital parts of His body to people who were struggling to live without them. In turn, how do you think these people [who were now free to live a normal life without fear of dying from their unfortunate circumstances] would feel? I know if I was in that position I would not take life for granted and I would try to live every day keeping in mind that a man died so I could live this day (and every day of my life) out in health and freedom. I would want to make the most of every second, every minute. Well, Jesus did no less, more in fact and look at the way we (or at least I) treat my life at times and live it so selfishly, as if its not worth all that much or of any great importance. But that wasn't how the King of Kings saw our lives as worth. He gave up everything for us because He saw us so worth it. Its only right, that I lay everything down in return at the feet of our King in honour and respect and thankfulness and love and reverence of what He did for me. He gave us life. Therefor we should be living it for Him with every fiber of our being. My spirit craves that life but my flesh screams at me and fights and kicks all the way. Its a journey in itself to get my flesh overcome by building my Spirit up stronger in Christ. I am so selfish. Jesus has made His power available to us and look how we live? We let the devil stamp and stomp all over us. If we truly knew who were were in Christ and really understood ALL that He has done for us. We would be 'blown away' and the devil in turn would be terrified of us. Anyway....that's my little raving rant for the day."

To love so much puts one in a vulnerable place. Jesus risked so much for love but "...for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame..." (Hebrews 12:2). Every soul that ever makes the decision to accept Him, every decision that we make to love, honour and obey Him is worth it. To Him it is worth all the pain He went through. Let us make more of those decisions and bring ultimate joy to our maker.

"Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all"

Above All - Michael W. Smith

Knowing How to Know Him

The last weeks have been tough mentally and spiritually and emotionally for me. So obviously I have been feeling really drained and on top of that being really busy and not getting much sleep. During this time I have found the desire stronger, to want to cuddle up on my Heavenly Father's lap and to just be. In Him. But I struggle to know how to do that. I want to know how to know Him.

This is not an encouragement post. Or an insightful post. Its a post rather to record and 'jot down' the beginning of the realization of a journey that begun when I was born, knowing how to know Him. Knowing how sit on His lap and cuddle. And as I glean from Him and the people He has placed around me, the wisdom and advice of 'knowing how to know Him' I will try to 'jot it down' here.

This morning was so beautiful. I woke up and the Lord instructed me to go to Psalms 31 so I grabbed my Bible from the desk and flipped to Psalms while still lying in bed and began to read. In it, David was describing the exact same things my heart and soul had been struggling through (maybe in a not so physical way but definitely spiritually). David was crying out to God and putting his trust in Him. He knew God would answer. I got to verse 19 where David's situation began to change and he began to physically see God's hand at work and began to praise Him and write of the things that the Lord had shown Him during His tProxy-Connection: keep-alive
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als. (i.e vs. 21"Praise be to the LORD, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city..."). But in vs 19
though, "How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you." The Father whispered to my heart and showed me that this was a promise to me from Him as well. It completely breathed life into the scripture and I knew how much he cared for me and He was not ignorant to the turmoil in my heart, He heard and He was answering. And He had just given me a bunch of key's in His Word to unlock the Proxy-Connection: keep-alive
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ors to victory and peace in my mind and heart through Him. What a perfect start to yet another day to experience His goodness and live for Him.

Psalms 31:19-20 NIV
¹⁹ How great is your goodness,
which you have stored up for those who fear you,
which you bestow in the sight of men
on those who take refuge in you.

²⁰ In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from the intrigues of men;
in your dwelling you keep them safe
from accusing tongues.

The Love Factor

People get angry when someone else sees God in a different way than to what they see Him. I suppose it is the arrogance of man to take pity on another who does not see eye to eye with us, who is 'blinded' by his own idea or interpretation of who God is and how He acts.
I know I personally get caught up in the web of feeling that there is somehow a form of a void in a potential friendship or relationship with another human being if we do not share the same interpretation of God. Truth be told, we are all made in His image, in the likeness of Him. God is never ending. Wouldn't it be dull if his never 'endingness' was all the same flavour constantly? What if he were, for eternity, just like me? Or just like you? No thanks! He is endless, His ways are indescribable. He is unique. Every person on this earth has a different part of God in them. Should we not therefore instead celebrate that unique DNA of God in each person and get beyond the theological right and wrong game and instead reach out in love and embrace each other and the image of God that is placed in each of us?
If we could all join together we will end up having the complete picture of who God really is. Ultimately it's all about love. Like He said in 1 Corinthians 13:8 & 1 Corinthians 13:12-13.

What would happen if you attempted to cook a cake but all the ingredients had a mind of their own and wouldn't come together because they didn't like what the other ingredients looked like, tasted like or smelled like? Well the obvious outcome is that the cake would never be completed. And if someone attempted to eat a single ingredient by itself, they would most likely find it very bland and boring, not at all tasty. This is the way I believe it has become in the body of Christ. Satan, has tried to keep us all apart through division, theology, hate, religion, strife and every evil thing [James 3:16] for so long. I know that if we all came together sharing one single vision of "completing that cake" then we would see who The Father truly is and the aroma and the attraction of his beauty, and His love would be wafting all over the place and would attract people of all kinds, even people who might not like raw butter on its own may find that they really do quite enjoy it in the cake, or they might not even notice that its in there, instead they are simply enjoying the deliciousness of the completed, baked cake.

We are His children. Free to grow in each of our own little characteristics and traits but ultimately we should remember that we share the same Father and that love should circulate through us all from the Father. Lets move beyond petty religion and theology. Lets see God for who He really is and who He's really all about. Love.

What do you think are some major issues that Satan has divided God's people over?
Do you think these dissagreements can be put aside all in the name of God's love?
Do you think this is how we were created to live?
Do you have any testimony's of seeing beyond dissagreements and walking in true love that you'd like to share?

True Purity. Have I been faithful?

There is something I cannot begin to place a finger on. That something is buzzing in my heart and spirit. It is a feeling of missing, of perhaps great longing. For what, I do not as of yet know. But I believe [as cliche as it sounds] it has something to do with waiting for my future husband. Yes, I am technically pure on the outside, but if my heart were to become visible on the outside would people be shocked, disgusted, disappointed? If God looks at the heart to judge purity and holiness as He states in Matthew 5:28 then am I truly pure? Or only in the natural? Am I really pure on the inside, the place where it matters the most? The place where God alone judges? [1 Samuel 16:7] . Honestly I cannot say that I am. I suppose that longing in my heart is for change. To turn my heart around and prepare it for the Lord and the man He has chosen for me. How can I be so critical and lay such a standard on him to remain pure in every way when I myself are not reaching my own standard? Perhaps this pain I feel in my soul is that of remorse and conviction.
I just now watched Rebecca St James "Wait For Me Song" which I have known for a long time and I was convicted as tears rolled down my cheeks. Romance is something beautiful to be treasured and well worth waiting for. Oh the pure joy of being able to give my heart over whole and in one perfect piece to the man of my dreams. I want to do the best job I can at waiting. Tears run down my face even now as I type. Even if my heart has been torn and cut the blood of Jesus is able to cleanse and mend all the damage my sinful ways have wrought. Praise Him!

The answer to keeping a pure heart? Keep the Word of God in you're heart. The Lord through King David revealed the key to keeping a pure heart in Psalms 119:11 "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you". [NIV]

So I suppose the big question I challenge you to today is. Have you been faithful with you're heart? Lets examine ourselves honestly and make changes where we see the need and also ask Holy Spirit to reveal to us the things we don't notice that need adjusting.

Marks Of A Wasted Life

The Rebelution's blog "Marks Of A Wasted Life" updates have been SPOT ON. These guys are truly in sync with the Holy Spirit and just life in general. They write so well also. Two big thumbs up.
And it's amazing because what they are discussing is exactly the subject matter on which I need some slapping around the ears and a wake up call about.
More later.