Near misses

God is so good (just thought I'd put it out there in case it wasn't a known fact). Every time I get in my car I pray for a safe trip and charge ministering angels all around. The angels have never had a dull day when I'm behind the wheel.

• This morning, as I was driving to meet up with my workout partner I almost swiped a cyclist who for some silly reason rode straight by on my right side as I was about to turn right. It was a near miss and a scary one and even though he was in the wrong I was so grateful to God.
• This afternoon after work I had to duck into the city to pick up some Body Shop products for my sister. Usually it is a real nightmare (if not impossible) to find a park. But I prayed before I went. I got the park, right where I wanted it and made sure all the signage was a O.K for me to be there. It was, or so I thought. I raced into the Queen St Mall and grabbed what I needed and headed back...just as I was reaching my car a man in a blue uniform approached me and said; "Your lucky you didn't get a $200 fine. This is a tow-away zone." Yikes!!! How blessed am I.

The end for today.

The Battle Field

The sorrow is turning to anger. First it was dispare and sadness mixed, then it all came out in tears from two holes in my face, my brain was angered at the disturbance as it ached with the fact of the life around me. O' help!

To stop this cry that reaches from my heart and pours down my cheeks, this endless longing for a basic knowing.

Fighting the thoughts that threaten to push me back into the black, misty hole where arms are desperately trying to reach at me, grab me and pull be down into the inky blackness of no return.

I fight. I struggle. In my mind its all a battle field of thoughts and words of which I have let grow and take root for too long.

But somewhere there is a sprig of truth being tossed around for a lie. It's stem is both fresh green and a golden yellow and it shines like a light in the middle of a gray and horrific battle field. Will I reach the petal and grasp it up and treasure it and believe that it is more right and more truth than all the carnage I see on every side?

This is the mystery and this is the battle field where I fight.

Isaiah 55:10-11 "For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater: So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it."

Total abandonment to the One who died so that I could live.

It has been a while since I have been on here [as is obvious] and today when I logged on I scrolled through my posts and saw that when I first started this blog it was the day of my 19th birthday. Well that is almost one whole year ago. Time flies.

This update is just an excerpt from an email I was writing out to my friend to day and its the subject that has been on my heart lately.

"I know how it feels being scared about stepping out for God and all. I battle the same thing. But really its just all about love and obedience. And we've just gotta look fear and the face with the "I just don't care" attitude and step out. I've done it before and it works. (Makes me wonder why I don't do it more often). Oh and about feeling inadequate, that's no excuse unfortunately. (I try to use that one on God often, it doesn't hold up). He is using "inadequate" people every second all over the globe. All He needs and wants is willingness and obedience. Look at Moses for instance, He didn't even know God and He was "slow of speech" but God appeared to Him in a really dramatic way and told Him to go and do a really dramatic thing. It was scary and Moses was scared but He stepped out. God used Him. He was called "A friend of God". Actually the book I am reading is not a 'preaching-at-you' sort of book. Its just a book sharing true stories and God has been extracting old truths out of it and bring them to my attention (Sister Freaks - Rebecca St James). Things that I had forgotten and buried under the "old-school religion" files. But Jesus is showing me, its not "old" or "religious" its called abandoning all to Him and sacrificing everything because He sacrificed His son for us. In our western world we don't know the meaning of sacrifice, we've watered down God's will and Word to suit our lifestyles ("Oh we'll go without one of our favourite foods for 40 days" or something. (Not criticizing anyone or anything, just thinking that there is more). All good intentions to be sure, but we cannot escape from the truth of the absolute hardcore sacrifice God gave us which was His son. Have you seen Will Smiths "Seven Pounds"? For me, that movie really brought to life what Jesus did for us and how we therefore should live out our life. Think about it. The character that Will Smith plays gives vital parts of His body to people who were struggling to live without them. In turn, how do you think these people [who were now free to live a normal life without fear of dying from their unfortunate circumstances] would feel? I know if I was in that position I would not take life for granted and I would try to live every day keeping in mind that a man died so I could live this day (and every day of my life) out in health and freedom. I would want to make the most of every second, every minute. Well, Jesus did no less, more in fact and look at the way we (or at least I) treat my life at times and live it so selfishly, as if its not worth all that much or of any great importance. But that wasn't how the King of Kings saw our lives as worth. He gave up everything for us because He saw us so worth it. Its only right, that I lay everything down in return at the feet of our King in honour and respect and thankfulness and love and reverence of what He did for me. He gave us life. Therefor we should be living it for Him with every fiber of our being. My spirit craves that life but my flesh screams at me and fights and kicks all the way. Its a journey in itself to get my flesh overcome by building my Spirit up stronger in Christ. I am so selfish. Jesus has made His power available to us and look how we live? We let the devil stamp and stomp all over us. If we truly knew who were were in Christ and really understood ALL that He has done for us. We would be 'blown away' and the devil in turn would be terrified of us. Anyway....that's my little raving rant for the day."

To love so much puts one in a vulnerable place. Jesus risked so much for love but "...for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame..." (Hebrews 12:2). Every soul that ever makes the decision to accept Him, every decision that we make to love, honour and obey Him is worth it. To Him it is worth all the pain He went through. Let us make more of those decisions and bring ultimate joy to our maker.

"Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all"

Above All - Michael W. Smith